What Was I Thinking?
copyright 2003 Mary Bertke
We married in the springtime with your family gathered round,
glowering and muttering, how well I knew the sound.
I thought that I could heal your hurt, turn loneliness to love
The jewels of the guests strove to outshine the stars above.
Refrain:
What was I thinking that I could do
to raise the self-image of a gentleman like you?
You're trapped inside the bitterness of what they made you do,
but until you love yourself you won't let me love you.
So many years of yelling, hiding bruises, hiding scars.
So many years of alcohol, fast women and fast cars.
Despite the jaded image your idealism lives on -
it cuts far worse than anyone who tried to cause you harm.
So . . . <refrain>
You tried to douse the flame of hope; you tried to stop the pain
You swore you'd never go back to those people again.
You tried to stop the insults of the sort that you had fled
but it's harder to ignore the digs you make inside your head.
And . . . <refrain>
Fill yourself with stillness; let your anger go.
Fill yourself with hope and health and love to help you grow.
Your friends will help support you, but still these words are true:
The only one who can heal your pain and build your life is you.
But what was I thinking that I could do
to raise the self-image of a gentleman like you?
You're trapped inside the bitterness of what they made you do,
but until you love yourself you won't let me love you.
This song was written from the viewpoint of someone I have never met. Note that writing things like this is probably a good way to make people mad at you.