The Food from the Dining
Tune: Miss Fogarty's Christmas Cake
Lyrics copyright 1992 Mary Bertke
I sat in my window last evening,
letterman brought it my way,
catalogue sent by Augusta asking,
you be coming to play?"
I wanted to go there so badly,
knew that I would have a ball,
the first challenge I had to tackle was
their dining hall!
was pasta, peas, and carrots,
something had beef 'cause it started to moo;
was roadkill, skunk, and ferrets,
something all covered with goo.
were some things there better not mentioned,
I'd rather be eating the walls.
I had to fight just to get down a bite of
food from the dining hall.
Ellery wanted to try some,
really it wasn't no use —
pulled at the pasta an hour and
couldn't get none of it loose.
Harvey came in with a crow bar,
Kelly came in with a file.
this pasta was strong enough, I swear for
drag a man half a mile.
Ellery turned pale and sickly
the vegetables started to move,
Beth moved a little more quickly
the pickled ham started to groove.
simply got cholic,
Mary a pain in her head.
the end of the week, I assure you,
just hoped that our food would be dead!